#995 Really tight rollercoaster safety bars

Safety first. Especially on rollercoasters. I think it's safe to say that we're all beyond grateful that amusement parks stress safety on their rides. On rollercoasters, there's a great protocol. We strap ourselves in, bring down the saftey bar in front of us and get comfortable. You lean to your side to look at all the people and carts in front of you. You take comfort in seeing someone coming down the line, leaning over and checking everyone's saftey bar to make sure everything is functioning correctly.

Clunk. Safe. Clunk. Safe. Clunk. Safe. As you hear the clunk of the bars being pushed down onto the riders in front of you, you are reassured that everyone's cart has been safe so far. Now the worker, a teenage college kid working here as a summer job, has arrived at your cart.


As he pushes down on the bar to make sure it's safe and tight enough, the reassuring "clunk" becomes a slightly annoying "crush." This safety bar is beyond safe. This safety bar has stolen all comfortableness as well as all mobility in your legs and feelings in your genitals. This is like getting a bear hug around your waist. This is like wearing your 10-year-old sister's jeans. This is more uncomfortable than Santa Clause probably felt when you thought it would be funny to sit on the old man's lap when you were 17.  Don't worry about those bones that the bar is crushing, you don't need bones to enjoy the ride......"dispatch."

It's just slightly annoying.