Markers, pens, chapstick, money, important notes, electronics. If it's slightly valuable to you or it's slightly destructive when washed, you can bet that it will end up in the washing machine in the pocket of a favorite pair of pants of yours. It's fine, you can still where them, that ink blotch is totally "in" this year.
Not much needs to be said here, because this happens 100% of the times you need to dry your hands with in a bathroom with only hand dryer machine things. I'm all for going green, but I miss the paper towels in the bathroom.
Thanks for the update but interrupting what I was doing to force a restart is not cool. Sure, I could "restart later," but then I don't get my updates, so that's only a bittersweet victory over the update-restart combination.
The only thing harder than finding that thing you were looking for is finding someone to help you find that thing you're looking for. |
| Anything? Nope. |
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| Smile now, you won't be soon. |
For those of you who lived under a rock during the 90s, the Duck Hunt dog is your best friend, picking up ducks that you shoot down. He's also your worst enemy, blatantly laughing in your face every time you fail to hit a bird. If you even want to call him a friend, you can call him that one friend that you never really want to hang out with.
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| Bathroom passes are great to let the world know you've been allowed to use the restroom. |
Snoring can really suck, but never for the snorer. The funny thing about snorers is that they always get the best night of sleep out of anyone in the bed and/or room. You'll lay awake for hours, pondering how that noise could possibly be coming from a human. It's like someone is doing construction work in your bed. They'll sleep through the night, playing in dream land.
Let loose that sigh of dissapointment and grab a seat, you'll be waiting a while.
Nobody wants to hear your phone make any noises over and over again, let alone the same noise over and over again. It's a little rude, don't you think? You see all of those eyes on you? They don't belong to happy people. Put it on vibrate and stop forcing the world to acknowledge every time you get a text.
You know you can walk faster than you'll be moving in your car. In fact, hey, there's someone walking faster than your car right now. The pros will park near exits of parking lots, but sometimes it's just not an option. It happens. And when it does... |
| Maybe if these things came with cell phones, we wouldn't encounter this slight annoyance. |
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| Your phone cringes when the waiter brings your greaseburger out. |
I'd rather not be emailed three times a day with "unbeatable" tri-daily deals. My mailbox is cluttered enough from other spam mail. I know you might be fired for not asking me for my email address, Ms. Cashier Lady, so I'll cut you some slack, but honestly, take the hint from the rolling of my eyes or blatant dirty look I give you when you ask for my email address.
Phones are getting crazier and crazier. Coincidentally, they're also getting awesomer and awesomer.
The one downside to chillaxin' and vacationing in the sun is the dry itchy skin and peeling that comes from tan and sunburn. The upside to this downside is that it usually doesn't happen until after the vacation. No one wants to be itching and peeling during the vacation itself. Sometimes, your body (or maybe the sun) jumps the gun a little.
It doesn't come up that often, but when it does, it's a bit hard to distinguish between letters. It comes up most in texts when people forget to use apostrophes or phones don't automatically insert them.
You never know what's going in there. Toilets, you need to hit the gym more. Flushes should be strong and confident. There should be no doubt that whatever is going in the toilet is getting flushed down. I don't want to have to stare at the toilet after I flush to make sure the job is getting done.
You know it the second you do it and you're faced with a rather disgusting choice. Do you pick off the used gum that may have been frying in the sun all day? Or do you just let it be and feel the stickiness in every other step you take? It's a lose-lose situation. |
Ah, Pop-Tarts, the snack that many of us have grown up on as a kid. Your cinnamon sugar filling has always satisfied. Your strawberry goo has never let us down. How much time was spent, mouth salivating as we stared at the toaster oven waiting for you to cook, we will never know. It's a shame you were just a bit flawed. It's a shame you had to bite through the dry flavorless crust to get to your flavorful center. We tried avoiding the problem, we really did. Breaking the crust off really cut your surface area down quite a bit and it also took 30 seconds of our mornings that could have been spent watching cartoons. We'll still stand by you, Pop-Tarts, but it's time to lose the weight and cut the crust handles.
It seemed like only a matter of time before Youtube was monetized in this fashion, but come on, let's not ruin a good thing. |
| If you peek into the bag and see this, you've done something terrible wrong. |
We've all seen people hunting for treasure when they thought no one was looking. Is your initial reaction disgust? It might be, but I bet in the back of your mind, you're thinking, "man, I bet that's gonna feel good when that nose is all cleaned out." If that's not what you think, I bet you will now. Wouldn't it be nice to ease your breathing by any means necessary, even if you were in public? Humans have invented all types of tool, but sometimes, a finger is the best tool of all. |
| Note: This slight annoyance knows no boundaries. |
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| Thanks for nothing, clock. |
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| Dear "that guy," we strongly dislike you. |
Sure, I'd love to have absolutely no say in giving up money to drive on a road. And I'd definitely love to get caught in traffic that tolls create. Great, grand, wonderful, thanks. |
| This is just blatantly trying to confuse us. |
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| "I will come back there and punch you and your little friend square in the face." |
If you don't want your own friends to be able to find you, you nailed it. If you want people to be slightly annoyed with you, you nailed it. Nobody really calls you by your first and middle name, why change it on Facebook?
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| What, your beeping didn't help you here? |
Hey toilets, what's your hurry? Just because you're all sophisticated and automatic doesn't mean you get to flush whenever you want. Do you have somewhere to be? Maybe a hot date later? |
| Hello, my name is "unoriginal. |
Why were roses chosen to represent all that they do? Nothing says love and affection like painfully cutting your finger and bleeding all over the place.
How does a beautiful bow turn into an ugly knot anyway? It's like a beautiful butterfly turning back into an awkward caterpillar. It's even worse knowing that even though the creation of this knot isn't your fault, you're the one that has to deal with it.
I'm sure we've all seen some pretty terrible things because of the people in the world who don't deem it necessary to flush. If you have kids already or when you do have kids, it wouldn't be a bad idea to venture into the bathroom first and do some scouting.
Ah, a fresh coat of snow. Perfect snow angel making weather and conditions greet you as you step outside. Before you leap into snow heaven, you should keep in mind that the creation of a snow angel means you'll need to remove yourself from within your own creation. Removing yourself from your snow angel is a very delicate process. One wrong step and your wing is disfigured forever. All that hard work for nothing!
